I could cry. As I sit here in my sorrow; wondering what I did wrong. He berated me. He hates me. Yet, he presented a bouquet of flowers saying he’d burn the world for all it has done to deflate me. “Enough is never enough,” I hear the flames cackle. I give him a sly grin and turn my back to him for the last time. What is the point of it all?
Poem by SlyF0x11
I’ve walked away from God so many times in my life. I’m not even thirty yet but I’ve walked away from God every few years since the age of 9. You see, I come from a family of baptists. If you know anything about stereotypes surrounding baptists, I’ve already said enough. If not, let me enlighten you from my experience.
You see, growing up a girl in a black Baptist family meant I was raised to be seen and not heard. I was raised to do as I was told instead of having an opinion of my own. I was taught about sin but only when it was used to shame someone else (but it was acceptable and not considered sin if the person doing the shaming was also living in willful sin). There was a ton of hypocrisy in the church and at home. I believed that nothing I did, said, or believed was right unless it could be used to boost someone else’s ego. This eventually lead me to start doubting God. “If God is real,” I would think to myself, “and He loves me, why is He allowing me to suffer so much? I’m just a kid. I don’t even know how to make myself a meal but I’m expected to understand adults and still be a child.”
I hated my life. I hated myself. I hated everyone and everything because I couldn’t make heads or tails of anything. I believed that my sole purpose in life was to make everyone else happy in order for me to be happy so I wanted to die everyday.
BUT GOD!
I allowed Him to step in from time to time and change my situation. However, I had a lot of growing to do. I STILL HAVE a lot of growing to do. One of the things I struggled against was depression up until the end of 2024. I still get sad, angry, etc. from time to time BUT GOD. I know now that I’m never really fighting my battles alone. God always sees me through. As for the hypocrites, which include myself at times (because even I fall short of God’s glory), please read the following verses.
Mark 7:6-8 NIV
“He replied, “Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written: “ ‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are merely human rules.’ You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to human traditions.””
Mark 7:6-8 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/mrk.7.8.NIV
Hello,
And welcome! For privacy purposes, I have decided to introduce myself as SlyFox11. I am a veteran and mother of two with plenty of stories to tell. I was told throughout the years that my life “is like a movie” which I interpreted as a compliment until recently. As 2024 reached it’s conclusion, I made the decision to share pieces of myself with the world. It is my belief that the experiences I’ve had will encourage others to pursue Christ with the knowledge that He is always with us, waiting with open arms, and a forgiving heart. So, who am I? I am a child of God. I am a daughter that was lost in the wilderness but I am found. I am fearfully and wonderfully made with all the flaws and imperfections I carry. I am a child of God; perfectly imperfect. All I ask from you, dear friend, is that you please call me Sly.
Life With Sly 