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The sun was barely rising… for the rest of the world.

For her? It was a sunset.

A nightowl? Maybe.

But she definitely was beset upon the evening.

It didn’t matter where or when, you’d always find her deep within…

Lost in her own thoughts. Above, below, within, and without.

She was everywhere and nowhere and always in doubt.

Doubt of her own, doubt of others, but most importantly, doubt of hope.

Hope is believing that there is something better waiting even when everything says it’s not possible. If hope could doubt, she’d be the definition of it. Hoping with such a small seed of faith. Even her faith was overwhelmed with doubt. But alas, the dark turns over to light always. Darkness is the absence of light after all. Thank God for His light. Therefore, she can and she will go on.

Luke 17:5-6

“The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!” He replied, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭17‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/111/luk.17.5-6.NIV

And she heard it on the wind…

The sound of her own voice silently whispering the depth of her hopelessness.

But God spoke to her louder and said “hopelessness is not a feeling but a place; a place where you do not belong.”

He said “I have been with you and I will always be with you. Do not fret My love. YES the days are long and YES! The nights are longer, but remember forever and always that what doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger.”

Such beautiful words and how powerful they’d be for her if heart could only feel them and her ears could hear them.

Her walls were too high and heart too broken to listen to words unspoken.

What I mean to say is this:

It is not God whom fails us but we who fail God. Yet, He’s always right there. If only we’d listen and turn to Him.

Isaiah 43:1-2

“But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43‬:‭1‬-‭2‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/111/isa.43.1-2.NIV

On January 28, I decided to foster to adopt a puppy. I was feeling some old familiar emptiness that led me to make decisions that had consequences I wasn’t prepared for in the past; a cycle not worth repeating. I had been thinking about getting a puppy for months before this though. When I finally decided to follow through, I took my kiddos to meet this 1 year young pitbull named Rosie. We all agreed that we loved her. Despite my confidence in the love we had for Rosie, I reached out to my dad because he has had many a dog and would be able to give me sound advice.

“Get a smaller puppy,” he said. “You don’t know what she’s been through or how she will react to triggers.”

I made myself sleep on his advice. I woke up knowing that he had reasonable and sound advice. I definitely didn’t want to take it but I decided to listen. The next puppy I wanted to bring home was a little boy. He was said to be around 4 months old, had an all black face (with mostly black fur), and these piercing blue eyes I couldn’t get out of my head. The kids and I got really excited about that little guy (especially since he laid down on my hand immediately after I extended it to introduce myself). We made it all the way to the office and were waiting for him to be released to us when we got other than great news. We couldn’t take him because he was scheduled to be transferred to a rescue the next day. The kids and I went home with just us again.

Since I tend to be persistent once I’ve made up my mind about doing something, we went back to the animal shelter once last time. I made the kids walk with me around and around and we even said hi to Rosie before I finally made a decision. There was this beautiful brown chocolate looking girl sitting right above where “Blue Eyes” was. I did notice her before and liked her coloring but I wasn’t as excited about her. The animal service employee brought “Roses” out to meet us. She was trembling. I mean, it was pretty cold but you could tell she wasn’t really ready to meet anyone. For some reason, I decided to bring her home. Before we went to bed on the first night, she had already started to adjust.

I don’t know if she decided to warm up to me because of the car ride ear scratches, my willingness to take her in, or if it was something else. On day 3, the kids and I came home from school and Moka (the name we’ve given her) got loose in the house. She excitedly greeted me at the door and even shoved her way past when my son unknowingly forced the door open giving Moka room to escape. I. Was. Terrified! I was shaking so hard I could barely walk when we all finally got in the house (yes even Moka). It turns out she really was just excited to see us. She ran around the car twice but quickly settled so I could get her back in the house.

We’re barely coming up on 2 weeks since Moka came home with us and I’m ready to make her an official part of our family. She’s very loving and playful though shy with new people and animals. I’ll have to get her into some training classes soon. Do you have pets?